12 July 2010
I've been cleaning all day. I'm tired, and sweating. I should be getting paid for this ^_^ Basically, its late spring cleaning. I've been from one end of the house to the other, I've moved furniture around and cleaned up garbage and re-decorated... I think its because I feel the need to be creative, but I don't really have any creative means at the moment. Its also helping me keep my mind busy because I've been thinking a lot about Carmen lately. I miss her so much. Its hurts, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. I pray every night and ask God to help me through, but its still hard. I just really wish I could talk to her again, see her again. Tell her how much she meant to me, because I didn't do that enough, or even at all. But she did mean everything to mean. I only hope she knows that. if you've ever lost a brother or sister, I'm sure you can understand how I'm feeling. Some days it seems to hard I don't even want to get out of bed. I'm hoping that once I start working, that will help. I'll busy busy during the days, I won't be sitting at home a lone with no one or nothing to distract me. Mom's going to take me Wednesday to follow up on my application. Hopefully I'll get hired soon.