18 July 2010

I'm depressed lately? I guess that's what you'd call it. I feel like I have no friends and no life, and I hate myself on top of all that. I have the urge to just say screw it all, and get drunk and have sex with random strangers (girls strangers preferably, and pretty ones too) I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything in life and I don't really do anything with my time. Sure, I clean house, I take care of my ♥ when she needs me too, but that's it... I don't hang out with friends because I don't have any. I want to make friends that I have things in common with, that I can be myself around and have fun with. Right now, I have no one like that. I have my ♥, but she's more than a friend ^_^ She's my soul-mate. She makes me laugh when I'm sad and she takes care of me. She protects me, and most of all she loves me. If she ever hurts me I know its not on purpose. But a person needs friends too, right? I don't get out of the house to make friends, and even if I did, there's not really anyone around here that I really have anything in common with. Most the people my age are, straight and married with kids. I'm in my twenties, I should be partying and hanging out and working (cause clearly I have bills to pay and groceries to buy) I should be busy all the time, or at least part of the time. And my ♥, she works her ass off and I know she's lonely too. We need friends that we'll both get along with. Any suggestions? Maybe we should move? But we definitely need to do something, because its really starting to get me down, and I also think that maybe that's why I have such low self esteem. because I'm a shut in, and I never talk to anyone. I have a Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, and Youtube... but you know, all of that is just to make me feel wanted. I can pretend that there is someone out there who is actually reading what I say. I can pretend I have friends. I can pretend that someone actually follows me on Twitter, I can pretend that people comment on my blog and ask me about my life, my thoughts, my feelings. Pretending is what I do best. Its why I write, which I can't even force myself to do lately. I have stories in my head that I need to get out on paper, or.. uhm, on the computer? Maybe if I write a book, people will notice me, and like me, and maybe want to be my friend?

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